"Deciding to have a child is monumentous. It is deciding to forever have your heart walk outside your body."
This has never been as true to me as it has been recently. Watching my girls do dance, and have friends outside of people who I would have picked for them, to Graden starting his wrestling career. It's all been so much for me as a mother.
This is my kind boy.
Thoughtful, silly, lovely, squishy, and positively kissable. He is at the age where he can actually carry a USA Wrestling card and participate in tournaments. This has all been discussed since I was pregnant. When he would be able to wrestle.
That time is now.
He has practice twice a week. Jason does Monday's and I do Wednesday's. I thought I could handle it. It was much harder than I could have ever imagined.
It was clear that Graden is painfully shy with a rowdy group of boys. He was obedient to the coaches, but not accretive enough to grab a partner to line up, so he had to be matched with somebody. I watched as he looked at other boys running to find a partner. He just stood there. And my heart melted for him.
I have kind children. I am thankful for that. Jason and I had a frank discussion when he got home that we are going to have to "teach" Graden to be aggressive. I would rather teach a child that, than have to teach a child to be meek. He will have to learn that there is a time and a place to be rough. I hope he will grasp to the concept. Considering I have have taught him for 4.5 years now to always be sweet and kind.
My heart was outside of my body.
My heart was with him.