Good Laugh!

The 13 Articles of Mormon Culture

> 1. We
> believe in SUVs and
> minivans, as the form of transportation, and in knee length
> shorts, which are
> always nice, and in the multilevel marking.
>
>
>
> 2. We believe that church ball players should be punished
> for their own fouls,
> and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.
>
>
>
> 3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy
> soups, and rice all
> casseroles can be saved though obedience to ward
> cookbooks and creativity in
> the mixing bowl.
>
>
>
> 4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the
> Dip are: first,
> beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the
> gift of sour cream;
> fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole that is,
> if you have it.
>
>
>
>
> 5. We
> believe that a Mormon should
> have a distinguished or a cute name, that it is appropriate
> to name a child
> after a church leader or a historical figure including an
> ancestor, that alternative
> spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that
> when referring to
> the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be
> a part thereof.
>
>
>
> 6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many
> Mormon homes, namely,
> framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational
> word signs, family
> photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.
>
>
>
>
> 7. We
> believe in the gift of the
> re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods,
> emergency supply
> kits, and so forth.
>
>
>
> 8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is
> nonalcoholic; we also
> believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.
>
>
>
> 9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we
> will now scrapbook,
> and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and
> important things
> pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.
>
>
>
>
>
> 10. We
> believe in the literal
> mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application
> of ranch dressing;
> that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe
> YM/YW, PEC, the Y,
> NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote
> for him any time he
> runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading
> Twilight and The Work
> and the Glory.
>
>
>
> 11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common
> acquaintances with any
> visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the
> same privilege, and
> let them name drop the names of Famous and general
> authorities how, where, or
> what they may.
>
>
>
>
> 12. We believe in being
> subject to
> scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of
> the U.S. News and
> World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in
> obeying, honoring, and
> sustaining Glenn Beck.
>
>
>
> 13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts,
> optimistic, and being
> fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say
> that we follow BYU
> football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the
> church, we hope to
> meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid
> schemes, and hope to be
> able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything
> cheap, free, sold in
> bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after
> these things.
>
>